The Wednesday Rants
About the Author
Secretly, I'm an independant who finds himself a tad left in this screwed-up moment in history.
After Carter calls the Bush administration "The most ineffective administration in history", the White House rifles back saying that such irresponsible comments will make Carter ineffective. And somehow, they pinned Carter to the ground. Read More »
Put away that sneer while you watch the debate. Let's hear what the Republicans have to say. Read More »
I support the Republicans as they insist on staying the course in Iraq. It will definitely hand the White House to the Democratic Party. Read More »
Gas prices.
Currently down to $2.39 a gallon. What the hell’s that about?? First off, it’s not low; it’s only lowered. About this time last year before Katrina, gas prices were around $2.25. So now it’s gone down and I’m pissed.
Why, you ask? Because of the sheer audacity of it. Did you notice when prices started dropping? Labor Day weekend. You know, a holiday weekend. It was when many people took to their cars and traveled around- adding to the demand for gas.
But Labor Day is traditionally when campaign season kicks into gear. And we can’t very well have Republican senators and congressmen campaigning with high gas prices, can we?
Look, we all know that many of the people in the White House’s Energy Cabinet are oil execs, right? (And by the way the lower gas prices have raised presidential approval to 44%.)
Forget the financial fudgehole analysts on those news programs. Here’s how oil pricing really works:
President gets elected. He puts several of his oil buddies on his energy cabinet. They blow their brains out with euphoria, raising gas prices. Who cares about the presidency? That doofus can survive with a 30% approval. (Oh, and by the way: Those tax cuts that everyone thinks are swell… They extend to the oil companies. We’re talking about hundreds of millions of dollars here that could be going toward education and healthcare).
An unpopular war, a devastating hurricane, a cold winter, and shareholders: They make good excuses to cover up unbridled greed. And the gas prices go right up the ladder.
The oil execs run around like a bunch of drunken chicks on Girls Gone Wild. So in return the oil companies give uber-generously to the Republican party. The Republican party donates money for television ads for incumbent senators and congressmen. They flood the airwaves with smear ads that claim their Democratic opponents support terrorism and illegal gay aliens coming to America to marry themselves.
Meanwhile, the Republicans offer the public tax cuts, and flowers, and puppies, and a sterling economy built over a monstrous deficit. They really want us to believe they care.
The oil companies also lower gas prices during the campaign season because the voters are no smarter than goldfish. If people are less stressed about gas prices, they’re more willing to drive their Escalades and Tahoes to the polls where their ballots are already punched for the Republican party (if they vote for the Democrat, then their ballots are automatically voided with too many votes).
And then right after elections, on Friday, November 10th, ZING! ZANG! ZOOM! Gas prices will shoot right up, just in time for the weekend. The national average will skyrocket to $3.95 a gallon and we’ll all growl and yell “Ahh, damn it! Screwed again!!!”
They’ll have the financial fudgehole on the news, claiming it’s because of the demand for heating oil and gas for Santa’s Escalade. That’s what they’ll say. Those re-elected toads will quietly thank the oil executives on a Scottish golf course- thanking them for keeping gas prices lowered during the campaign season.
And we will all quickly decide that our political system sucks because WE VOTED WITH OUR GAS TANKS!
Whew.
All right. I’m done ranting. Read More »
Currently down to $2.39 a gallon. What the hell’s that about?? First off, it’s not low; it’s only lowered. About this time last year before Katrina, gas prices were around $2.25. So now it’s gone down and I’m pissed.
Why, you ask? Because of the sheer audacity of it. Did you notice when prices started dropping? Labor Day weekend. You know, a holiday weekend. It was when many people took to their cars and traveled around- adding to the demand for gas.
But Labor Day is traditionally when campaign season kicks into gear. And we can’t very well have Republican senators and congressmen campaigning with high gas prices, can we?
Look, we all know that many of the people in the White House’s Energy Cabinet are oil execs, right? (And by the way the lower gas prices have raised presidential approval to 44%.)
Forget the financial fudgehole analysts on those news programs. Here’s how oil pricing really works:
President gets elected. He puts several of his oil buddies on his energy cabinet. They blow their brains out with euphoria, raising gas prices. Who cares about the presidency? That doofus can survive with a 30% approval. (Oh, and by the way: Those tax cuts that everyone thinks are swell… They extend to the oil companies. We’re talking about hundreds of millions of dollars here that could be going toward education and healthcare).
An unpopular war, a devastating hurricane, a cold winter, and shareholders: They make good excuses to cover up unbridled greed. And the gas prices go right up the ladder.
The oil execs run around like a bunch of drunken chicks on Girls Gone Wild. So in return the oil companies give uber-generously to the Republican party. The Republican party donates money for television ads for incumbent senators and congressmen. They flood the airwaves with smear ads that claim their Democratic opponents support terrorism and illegal gay aliens coming to America to marry themselves.
Meanwhile, the Republicans offer the public tax cuts, and flowers, and puppies, and a sterling economy built over a monstrous deficit. They really want us to believe they care.
The oil companies also lower gas prices during the campaign season because the voters are no smarter than goldfish. If people are less stressed about gas prices, they’re more willing to drive their Escalades and Tahoes to the polls where their ballots are already punched for the Republican party (if they vote for the Democrat, then their ballots are automatically voided with too many votes).
And then right after elections, on Friday, November 10th, ZING! ZANG! ZOOM! Gas prices will shoot right up, just in time for the weekend. The national average will skyrocket to $3.95 a gallon and we’ll all growl and yell “Ahh, damn it! Screwed again!!!”
They’ll have the financial fudgehole on the news, claiming it’s because of the demand for heating oil and gas for Santa’s Escalade. That’s what they’ll say. Those re-elected toads will quietly thank the oil executives on a Scottish golf course- thanking them for keeping gas prices lowered during the campaign season.
And we will all quickly decide that our political system sucks because WE VOTED WITH OUR GAS TANKS!
Whew.
All right. I’m done ranting. Read More »
I like the attention to history. And I like multiple choice questions.
But why stop at profiling Muslims men, age 17-40? Why don't we all play along?
Here's another history quiz:
1) Ghandi, a peace activist, had several attempts on his life by Nathurum
Godse, who was a
a. Muslim extremist between the age of 39-40
b. Christian extremist between the age of 18-21
c. Hindu extremist between the age of 17-40
2) In 1964, Michael Schwerner, James Chaney and Andy Goodman- three
students working to promote peace in the south, were stopped on a deserted
road in Mississippi and beaten to death by:
a. Muslim extremists between the age of 17-40.
c. Hindu extremists between the age of 17-40.
d Christian extremists between the age of 17-40. Read More »
But why stop at profiling Muslims men, age 17-40? Why don't we all play along?
Here's another history quiz:
1) Ghandi, a peace activist, had several attempts on his life by Nathurum
Godse, who was a
a. Muslim extremist between the age of 39-40
b. Christian extremist between the age of 18-21
c. Hindu extremist between the age of 17-40
2) In 1964, Michael Schwerner, James Chaney and Andy Goodman- three
students working to promote peace in the south, were stopped on a deserted
road in Mississippi and beaten to death by:
a. Muslim extremists between the age of 17-40.
c. Hindu extremists between the age of 17-40.
d Christian extremists between the age of 17-40. Read More »
Here's an email someone forwarded to me. Let's see what you think:
> From: Nino Despota
> Sent: Monday, September 04, 2006 9:54 PM
> To: jlberman1@msn.com
> Subject: HISTORY TEST
>
> HISTORY TEST
>
> Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple
> choice test. The events are actual cuts from past history. They actually
> happened!!!
>
> Do you remember?
> 1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
> a. Superman
> b. Jay Lenno
> c. Harry Potter
> d. Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40
>
> 2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred
> by
> a. Olga Corbett
> b. Sitting Bull
> c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
> d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 Read More »
> From: Nino Despota
> Sent: Monday, September 04, 2006 9:54 PM
> To: jlberman1@msn.com
> Subject: HISTORY TEST
>
> HISTORY TEST
>
> Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple
> choice test. The events are actual cuts from past history. They actually
> happened!!!
>
> Do you remember?
> 1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
> a. Superman
> b. Jay Lenno
> c. Harry Potter
> d. Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40
>
> 2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred
> by
> a. Olga Corbett
> b. Sitting Bull
> c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
> d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 Read More »
Who are these Islamic Fascists that the Republicans say we're now battling?
I thought we were battling "terrrorist killers". Holy moly. This world is more dangerous than we all thought.
Thank goodness we don't have to worry about the totalitarian, neolithic, socialist-fascist, anorexic, third-world, neomaxi-zone-dweeby, dorkwad, hopped-up, Islamic fundamentalist fascists.
...Because if that were the case, we'd be in trouble.
I thought we were battling "terrrorist killers". Holy moly. This world is more dangerous than we all thought.
Thank goodness we don't have to worry about the totalitarian, neolithic, socialist-fascist, anorexic, third-world, neomaxi-zone-dweeby, dorkwad, hopped-up, Islamic fundamentalist fascists.
...Because if that were the case, we'd be in trouble.
Dear Dr. Dean,
It’s really ticking me off! Those Republicans are doing it again. They’re distorting the truth to stay in power. But this is not news to you. You talk about it in every one of your e-mails. So what should Democrats do?
I hate to suggest this… But we need to borrow a page from the Roveian playbook. We need to give Democrats an arsenal of quick one-liners to be used over and over. We need to hammer in the Democratic position. Here are a few phrases that may help: Read More »
It’s really ticking me off! Those Republicans are doing it again. They’re distorting the truth to stay in power. But this is not news to you. You talk about it in every one of your e-mails. So what should Democrats do?
I hate to suggest this… But we need to borrow a page from the Roveian playbook. We need to give Democrats an arsenal of quick one-liners to be used over and over. We need to hammer in the Democratic position. Here are a few phrases that may help: Read More »
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